Summer festivals are a strange phenomenon. We always long for them, to bum around a field with a tepid can of lager in our mitts and sharing the experience with thousands of like minded people. You’re basking in the sun (this one is usually a dream rather than reality, but allow me some leeway on this one), relaxing in some nice scenery and just generally enjoying yourself far away from the daily drudgery. It sounds like a very enjoyable endeavour and a lot of people usually do it all over again the very next year.

They may even make the trek to another country to partake of a foreign organizing concept of a festival. I’ve pondered this recently because last year I badly wanted to go to a three-day festival near my home town but due to fiscal issues I couldn’t go, but this year I definitely am. I should clarify that I am not an experienced festival-goer, having only been to one in my entire life so I’m not a weary traveller of the urine-and beer soaked fields of the world and have not mastered the art of comfortably moving around the semi-conscious bodies of punks, crusties and metalheads. But I have been longing to go to a festival for years.

This is where my recent introspection comes from. I really don’t know why I have wanted this for so long. Surely it can’t just be due to the good bands. Maybe it’s because it will necessitate several days away from the office, but surely there are more comfortable ways of spending your holiday then being hung over and covered in dust.

Let’s think about this; the weather is always diabolical and that is something I want an explanation about. I’d like to know whose idea it was to place all the worlds’ biggest music festivals in countries where it constantly rains, especially during the three days that the festival takes part. Even if there has been tropical heat every day prior to that, you must still under no circumstances neglect to prepare for rain, because it will rain.

The other major problem is that you have to pretty much disregard personal hygiene whilst there due to a number of reasons. My first and so far only experience with this was proof enough. Me and my friends smelled so bad that a friends father, who drove us home had to keep quiet for the entire trip, from fear of gagging. When this attack on his olfactory senses had subsided, he revealed that in his entire career as a doctor he had never encountered a smell so putrid. What a nice thing to hear about yourself, we were thrilled as you may imagine.

That may be the reason that I stayed away from it for so long. The fact that the smell our feet radiated is still deeply rooted in my mind.
But there is still something that makes me want to go again; I just can’t put my finger on it. It may be the feeling of being under the stars, camping and drinking and relaxing and all whilst some great tunes are washing across the field.
It’s a sense of freedom and it’s a completely different experience which is something I need after a very non-eventful year. Rest assured, it will be much cleaner this time around.

And did I mention that Kiss are headlining?

I’m not the best at really anything. I can’t organize the best, I can’t build the best relationships, I can’t write the best, I can’t talk the best, I can’t play the best. But something I’m good at is getting people riled up. I know this might seem inconsequential but hear me out…

First of all, this is a selfish act.

This is really something I do because it makes me feel better about the world and this little tirade is just an attempt at justification for me thinking that I’m the smartest guy around and “why the fuck don’t the rest of you assholes get it?”.

But beyond that; there really is more than me thinking that I’m the smartest or coolest or whatever. The real deal is that I really just give a shit. And honestly the great injustice to me is that more people don’t.

I think sometimes that I get mad for other people. I have to compensate in some cosmic, karmic way for all the dumbasses that are sitting around watching “American Idol” (is that still what the kids are into?) And put out enough energy to get noticed through that Iron Curtain of (yeah I’m gonna use the most cliche word in the punker dictionary) apathy.

So you understand that the very little progress that might get made by me can’t really compare with the fact that everyone else wants to sit on their ass and not fix things.

Yeah, yeah, trust me I know; you work two jobs, you got two kids and a wife, or maybe and ex, a mortgage and interest on college loans that’s a burden to your unborn children. But quite frankly I don’t give a shit; because: I don’t know what the threshold is… and neither do you.

Tell me: what would be enough? What life situation absolves you of responsibility? Tell me how many hours do you have to work in your shit ass job with people you fucking hate for what reason you don’t even know to justify not thinking about anything greater?

Why is it that everyone just can’t wait until they’re off the hook?

What I mean is that most people just can’t wait to start talking about American Idol or the football game or whatever other stupid inconsequential bullshit happens to be occurring at the time.

Now you might be thinking “Hey! Football is not inconsequential!” or “You just can’t play football so you’re talkin’ shit” but I’m not talking shit about football, or baseball or sports or American Idol anything really. (Ok, I really am talkin’ shit about American Idol).

I happen to like watching sports.

I’m simply making the point that most people will quickly devolve into a pathetic panicky frenzy whenever anything substantive or rather of social consequence is brought up.

The point isn’t what people can’t wait to talk about, it’s that they can’t wait to talk about something that doesn’t fucking matter.

People just can’t wait to agree on something. Jesus, is that what everyone is really longing for? A world without disagreement?

This is what really bothers me: I just hate social chickenshits.

Now I don’t hate you if you’re shy.

I don’t hate you if you have panic attacks and shit; that’s not what I’m talking about.

What I’m talking about are people that don’t seem to suffer from either of these ailments when we’re talking about sports or fucking chicks/dudes, or car insurance or getting drunk or anything else that couldn’t matter a bit. But the second something of importance that is generally disagreed upon, is brought up they run for the fucking conversational exits and start claiming that “they don’t talk about politics at their house,” or “we’re just tryin’ to have a good time” or blah blah fucking blah.

The point is; don’t casually talk endless amounts of racist, sexist, classist, narrow minded, ill-informed shit until somebody calls you on your bullshit and then cry foul. You know what I’m sayin’?

Tell me how much shit you have to put up with before you can finally not care. Because the truth is you don’t really care anyway…

Yo so it’s December 2007 and the Hot Water Music boys have been on “indefinite hiatus” for about 2 yrs. Chuck is busy doin’ his thing and rulin’ at it, A full length, live record, a video, soundtrack, uh, track, 7″ singles fan club, the shows are sick, jesus.

The Draft is kickin’ ass all over the place just off their first headlining tour this past fall and working on their second record (full length) not to mention the digital EP, seven inches (yeah, that’s a good size), and probably the best Replacements I’ve ever heard ever.

So I guess if your favorite band in the world is gonna break up this is really the way to do it and other motherfuckers should take note.

With all that in the mix what’s really the next best thing that could happen? Well, of course it’s your favorite band which has broken in to a 1/4 and 3/4 coming back together like fuckin’ Voltron or Megatron or some shit to be your favorite band again. And goddammit that’s exactly what’s happening for the moment.

Just to clarify; I am a ridiculous fan boy. I bought every ticket I could afford to the reunion shows. I bought extras for friends just in case their too stupid to have bought their own (Erok and Cody I’m lookin’ at you). I’m drivin to Jersey; I’m flyin’ to Chicago; and I’m just hopin they announce a fuckin Triple Rock show before I buy my plane ticket so I can plan accordingly.

Now I don’t mean to jinx things and disturb the whatever, high atop the thing and all but being a fuckin’ fan boy, I’m speculatin’ on all possible next steps and it’s really not so far fetched. I mean, the dudes are talkin’ about it themselves and it’s not like I’m sitting around wondering what t-shirt they’re gonna wear to the next show (although Wollard was wearing that same “Virginia is for Lovers” shirt at two shows I went to like 6 months apart), but instead I’m pondering just what the next New What Next is gonna sound like. You know what the fuck I’m talkin’ about?

Hell yes you do. Now check it out cuz I’ve got some thoughts on the matter…

As we know both sides of the split have been fuckin’ incredible. The Draft made songs that made unsuspecting co-workers into fans against their will due to my ridiculous over playing of the myspace page prior to the record coming out, and the Chuck songs just ferment like wine, better and better with time.

So here’s the rub; what does the next Hot Water Music record sound like? Again let me state for the record my diametrically opposing sides of my own inner argument. I’m certainly a little leery about tempting the blah blah from whence it came down the figgity fuckity mountain side but Fan Boy is really winnin’ this one so….I seriously think the new record, is gonna be the best fuckin’ shit in the world ever…ever.

Now all that ridiculous suspense built up is diminished slightly cuz I just came out and said what I’m thinking: The new record could simply be the next “New What Next” and I would love the living shit out of it no matter what I’m sure cause, well after like 10 years I haven’t been anything less than impressed. But what I really think is that it’s like this; imagine you’ve been in a relationship with a great person for the last decade and a half-ish or so, and now after all that it was good, and I mean real good, but for whatever reason it just had to go away for a while, could be mid-life crisis, could be fear of commitment, could just be boredom, could be you just wanna see “what else is out there”. Huh? Sound familiar? Yeah, now he/she moved out you’ve been on countless benders and one night stands, hell maybe you even had a real deal rebound relationship in there; good for you.

But really there’s still that something missing or more so you start to think that it didn’t have to be all or nothin’? So you start maybe with somethin’ simple. Maybe it’s a little myspace message, maybe it’s a forwarded email entitled “some pictures don’t need captions” with girls sitting casually at a bar table, very normal until you notice the beer bottle jutting out the hooh hoo (does your brother send you that ridiculous shit too???).

Whatever the case, however it starts it just explodes, reigniting those old feelings, all the good ones too, and finally you graduate to full fledged emails, then a little text-flirting then real deal actual phone calls where you decide to meet up for drinks and end up going back to your place and having the best make up sex in the world!

It’s old familiarity mixed with rediscovery mixed with the undertones of different lovers making the most vehement brew of love gravy you’ve ever dared to serve at your holiday party. This my friends is what the next Hot Water Music record could hold in store for each and every one of us. It could be the new (insert your favorite HWM record here)! Or it could really be some crazy new rock your fuckin’ faceass/assface off in the most subtle and overt ways possible.

So I guess what I’m sayin is that whatever the new record (please god! If there is one!) portends, be it the new next whatever comes next, or the drippy awesome rediscovery sex music-explosion described above I’m really just pretty sure that I have the best favorite band in the world.

There needs to be a certification process for eco-friendly families. Al Gore tells me the planet is dying, so he needs to follow that up with an objective standard of when I’m doing enough to save it.

The Barker clan is a family of five. I think we’re reasonably eco-friendly.

• We recycle everything
• All the bulbs in our house are CFLs
• Both our vehicles get 22+ m.p.g.
• We don’t over-consume — my wife lives by Oprah’s motto of “Wear it out, or do without.”

But how do we know if this is enough? How can I step back and say with confidence, “I am part of the solution, rather than part of the problem”? Frankly, I don’t know if what I’m doing is enough. I think we’re better than most of our peers, but would Al look at our household and approve? Would he say, “If only everyone did at least this…”

To this end, I want a certification process. I want a clear, objective standard with which I can compare my family and work toward if we don’t measure up.

I need all the tree-hugging groups to come together and work out a scale for a “Green Household”. Give me multiple levels. “Green Household, Level 1,” for example, might have the following requirements.

• All bulbs in your house are replaced with CFLs
• All vehicles in your house get more than 20 m.p.g. (which effectively rules out full-size SUVs)
• You have a programmable thermostat
• You have replaced your furnace filter in the last 12 months
• You have wrapped your water heaters in insulating material
• You recycle all disposable plastic
• Your water heaters are set a maximum of X degrees

Consider if 80% of households in America became a Green Household at Level 1. The improvement would be massive.

The levels could scale up from there. For example, Level 5 might include things like:

• You consume no meat (cows fart methane, it turns out)
• You refrain from using your car three days out of the week
• Your car gets 40+ m.p.g.
• You have planted at least five trees in the last 12 months

This wouldn’t be for everyone, but I know some people who would find the prospect of measuring their sacrifice against that standard downright seductive.

This would have to be voluntary. There can be no independent authority that comes to your house and checks everything out. But when I feel like I’ve acheived Level 1, I go to some Web site, register and pay a $5 fee to cover expenses, then I get a couple bumper stickers and another sticker for the window of my house.

This has two benefits:

1. It gives us something to work towards. I still think there’s a lot of confusion about exactly what we need to be doing to save the planet. Paper or plastic? I still don’t know, to be honest. Everyone has a different plan of action. Who’s right?
2. It gives someone an easy way to show that they care enough about the planet to work towards something. If I’m sportin’ my “Green Level 1″ bumper sticker, it says that I cared enough to find the standard, evaluate my behavior against that standard, and perhaps make a few changes to achieve that standard.Sadly, in a lot of social circles, worrying about the planet is considered a very “Democratic” or “Clintonian” thing to do. I’d like a nice, subtle way to show that my politics and caring about the planet are not mutually exclusive.

I could see this getting pushed in the school system a lot. If his teacher got my son all excited about earning this achievement, it would be a motivator for me to make the changes necessary to do it. Call it a merit badge for the entire house.

I’m not an eco-warrior. I’m a suburban dad who’s a little confused about what he should be doing and concerned enough about it to want to know that he’s doing enough.

Al Gore bums me out. He keeps telling me the planet is dying, and next time he does, I want to be able to relax and know that I’m doing enough to save it. To that end, give me a clear bar that I can jump over.

In the end, I just want absolution. Give me a way to achieve that.

In the US people are sleeping in or just now getting up and preparing to join their families for the great annual Thanksgiving feast, on what is hands down my favorite holiday, in concept and practice. Here in Japan, it’s Thursday evening and today is nothing special. Tomorrow, however, is the national “Workers Thanksgiving Day” holiday, which ironically but possibly not coincidentally coincides with the financial market close Stateside. Japan is one of the few odd-ball countries that, like the US, doesn’t recognize May Day. This day is the tastes great less filling substitute. But I can’t quite make out whether it means that the power structure is thankful to the workers or whether the workers are given a day to contemplate their thankfulness for the benevolent power structure. Anyhow, American-style Thanksgiving or no, the wa is is vibrating in high harmony this weekend here in the northern outback of the Land of the Rising Sun. I’m hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for a group of us foreign English teachers and Japanese friends at my local community event hall. For the occassion I ordered a Hokkaido-raised 4kg turkey for 9000yen (about $82) - reflecting Turkey’s status as tourist novelty around here. The farm I ordered from last year stopped doing turkeys and this was all I could find. But the feast must go on!

I wonder how the US public is taking three dollar gas. It’s up to the equivalent of about $5.05/gallon here; this, thanks to higher taxes. But that’s good because it means that increases in the price of oil have less effect by percentage on the overall price; thus less shock to the economy. Right now we’re burning through Africa’s demand destruction but by this time next year the supply curve will start tilting south while the bidding war between the OECD countries plus China will be game on, and the US will really have to show it’s cards (and not of the credit variety). Now (or yesterday) is a prudent time to diversify retirement portfolios into gold/silver, foreign currency CDs & bonds and energy or broad-based commodity funds. Peak oil is coming on. Times will get tough. If the US can stem the tide of creeping stratification and libertarianism, and pull together in family and community, we just might avoid a complete meltdown. Let’s all be thankful for what we have, where we’ve come from, and send our best hopes for future peace and security out with every holiday hug.